| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2009|06:31 pm] |
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- Learning who your true friends are is a daunting, depressing and beautiful. I am so glad to finally be 100% certain of what I had previously suspected, and now I can move on, and no longer try so hard. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2009|04:19 am] |
"Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share."
— Mark Z. Danielewski (House of Leaves) |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|03:07 pm] |
I never knew it was possible to love someone this much. I know I sound like the ultimate cheeseball, but ever since Matt entered my life I have been so unbelievably happy. He treats me so well, and I feel so honored to call him my boyfriend. I don't care, I can go on for hours listing the all the qualities I love about him and still not be finished listing. Sometimes, when we are together I have to stop and re-evaluate the fact that he is my boyfriend, because I feel so overwhelmingly lucky to have him. I can't believe its been almost 6 months. I love you baby. |
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| LOVE LOVE LOVE |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|10:54 am] |
I really love matthew. its absurd.
I am REALLY excited for January.
I want a nintedo ds real bad.
I am losing weight and that is fantastic.
can't wait. can't wait. can't wait.
love the holiday season in all its hallmark, freezing and mass produced glory.
I love apple juice.
I'm almost done with my book, and thats sad.
must find new one.
twighlight is lame. I read the first book, and was not impressed... I don't understand this craze.
Its NOT the next harry potter.
don't even!
I need to find a hot dress.
write a speech.
I fulfilled a craving for a hard boiled egg this morning.
i love my boyfriend.
I love my friends.
I love being.
I love my dogs.
this is the best entry I have ever wrote. ever. |
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| Humbert Humbert |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|08:28 am] |
"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns" - Vladimir Nabokov's "Lolita"
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| Epitaph to a Dog |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|08:23 am] |
But the poor dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his master's own,
Who labors, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonored falls, unnoticed all his worth,
Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth –
While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven -Lordy Byron |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2008|03:58 pm] |
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An orthadox Jew. I always kept that in the back of my mind as a plan B. Not that I am religious, or even believe in a god. Honestly, because it seems like an easier way to live life. Imagine, never having to make decisions, basing your every action on whether or not god would approve. I, however, of sick of taking the easy way out. All my life, I have been dishonest with myself, I have relied on luck as my basic instinct. I have learned how easily manipulated people can be, and unfortunately for me, I am good at manipulation. Now, getting back to this idea of becoming an Orthadox Jew as a plan for "escape," I must admit one thing, the notion of never having to make a decision again in your life sounds tempting, almost seems too good to be true. However, for the first time in my life, I feel in control, and that scares me. It scares me that I am smart, powerful and a free-thinker. I am afraid of what I am capable of, I am afraid to love, because I know I will end up hurt. I am afraid to hurt, because I am afraid to feel. I am afraid mostly of making choices, I used to be insecure and afraid what people would think, I lived to please. I know I need to do something dramatic, and some might precieve this as selfish. I must dissagree, this is possibly one of the most selfless decisions I have ever made in my life. How can being selifsh be misinterprited when you are following your gut, thinking with your heart, not letting anyone elses opinions be a barrier between you and your goal? I made a promise to myself when I was younger, when i didn't see the world through the eyes I see it now, I vowed never to give up my passions no matter what obsticles would stand in my way. I knew I was not meant to lead a conventional life, and that the only way i could thrive in this world was through creativity. |
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| wah. |
[Mar. 24th, 2008|09:42 am] |
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| a comment on slang |
[Mar. 22nd, 2008|03:22 pm] |
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I am going to comment, not analyze. I like slang, I like using it, I even like ebonics. I like the idea of playing around with words, I like discovering new metaphors, I hate pretentiousness. I love words. I asked for a dictionary for my birthday. I don't care if you are brilliant and your awakening occurred when you were in grade school, good for you. wah. I like words, i don't know. Bye! |
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| ode to nothing |
[Feb. 6th, 2008|05:11 pm] |
help me understand
where nature and emotion meet
on this winding road
there is no destination
just keep going
she tells me
i listen |
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| insomnia |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|09:37 am] |
kind of sucks. |
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| ellyn harris lost it |
[Dec. 26th, 2007|03:59 pm] |
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so, I am lactose intolerant ... and my mother brings in pizza and instead i take rice, she gives me shit for eatin too much, when in actuality, i don't. and even if I did, its not like im gonna get fat. ugh who is she to moniter my food intake?! |
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| for a minute there, I lost myself. |
[Nov. 18th, 2007|04:04 am] |
Tonight I felt more like myself than I've felt in a while. I forgot how much I avoided this pety drama in high school, and as a result, found myself surrounded by a select group of amazing friends who were not only positive influences and inspriing to me, but were true. I am not upset over this, it sucks that I live with the epitome of everything I hate, but what can you do? I am here to learn, not party, and I am realizing this now, and I am so grateful.
:) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2007|09:06 pm] |
Apathy might just be the worst feeling in the world.
fin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2007|04:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
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"Don't think I'll see you around this winter, and my tongue's stuck full of splinters; 'cause I'm embarrassed to admit what I've been thinking. Well, hope keeps some afloat, but for me it's no life boat. The tighter I hold on the deeper down I'm sinking. Tried to put my finger on it but gave it my whole arm. Reached out with good intention, but it only did more harm. Find ourselves alone since the day we're born, so we seek someone to sew sutures in the places where we're torn." - Defiance, Ohio |
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| good times |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|06:13 pm] |
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| |  good | ] |
basically, Elana Jeroff throws the best parties :)
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lilymars's journal
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